Goals vs. Purposes

One of the "Alternative Dimensions" in ADD is the alignment of goals and purposes in our lives. If we're gonna get a grip on our own situations and change the world, it is very important for us to understand how we are different from non-ADD people in this respect.

Here's an example: Housecleaning. When my non-ADD husband cleans the house, his focus is on the purpose: it needs to be done. Great. He picks things up because they need to be picked up. He sweeps the floor because it needs to be swept. He complains about certain things that I do, because they need to be dealt with. These things align with the purpose of keeping the house livable.

For me, on the other hand, as much as I would like to believe that I think the same way, the fact is that I do not. When I clean the house, I am focused on the goal of having a living space that matches my vision of what I want to see, including my own personal "feng-shui standards" and many other sub-goals that comprise the picture. I clean the same way I create a painting -- which often means that there is often more mess than beauty until it's done! I pick things up and sweep the floor because these things are necessary to achieving the state of beauty and functionality that I am shooting for.

This difference is especially important in explaining why the decluttering "how-to" books that themselves clutter many ADD living spaces don't work for us. They are written for non-ADD people who are essentially driven by the purpose of having a clean space (there are also a number of other reasons why these books don't work for us; I'm sure I'll get to that later).

Actually, let me correct myself: those books usually work fine -- for that fragile, magical moment in which they initially feed our inspiration. We'll look at pictures, get ideas, "feel the fire", and, if we're lucky, get to work before "something else" happens. The transformation may even be miraculous. But then, once the place looks great, the book gets shoved in some corner and becomes just another part of the rapid decay toward dysfunction.

I'm not saying this to say that we're hopeless. I'm saying that the relationship between us and that book is just another part of the less-than-perfect relationship we have with the non-ADD world, and it needs to be set right so that we don't just get down on ourselves for the loss of utility of that book in our lives.

Does this mean ADD people are more goal-oriented by nature?

BAAAAHHHH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!!!!!!! Yeah, RIGHT!

OK, here's a classic example (for me) of the opposite: COLLEGE. Non-ADD people basically tend to focus on doing the paper, passing the class, getting the degree. Goals. Well, yeah, I have the same goals, too -- but, um...different! Those goals, for me, are like tiny lights at the end of a loooong tunnel, toward which I am more or less constantly navigating, at a speed roughly determined by my financial situation (and subsequent need for completion) at a given moment. Meanwhile, I am focused on fulfilling my purpose of being a student -- learning, arguing with professors, screwing off in class, meeting people, and scrambling to meet deadlines.

My point is that it is important for us to see these differences clearly and honestly in order to strategize real solutions for ourselves -- preferably, solutions that do not change who we are, but which allow us to be happy...and free to be, ADD!